i don't know, you don't know, nobody does

[extraordinarily]

WHO: Haruhi Suzumiya, Homura Akemi, Himeko Inaba and you.
WHAT: Dark allies event open catch-all post for my characters.
WHEN: During the Dark Allies event (03/17-03/21)
WHERE: Everywhere
WARNINGS: Cursing, violence. Also Rebellion spoilers for Homura.



Haruhi

[ Haruhi's nice enough to help out anyone she sees, but only because seeing people getting swallowed up by shadows isn't a good thing. It hurts that she can't save everyone, but she's one person. She's no army, she's just Haruhi Suzumiya, ex-brigade chief and current student body president of the afterlife high school.

Which is why she'll also send out a message via text message to everyone, regardless if she knows you or not.

The text message reads the following:

Stay safe. If you can arm yourself, do it. If you can't, then find me. Reply ASAP if you wish to find me, since I'm not going to stay in one place for long.

Also: If you're planning to hide, feel free to use the student council room as a temporary headquarters, though it is not highly recommended.

If you have any questions, be quick. Time is of the essence.

And good luck.

Any shadow that shows up within Haruhi's range, however is going to be shot; the brunette's currently using a regular police handgun that she made several months ago using atomic restructuring for any shadow that isn't within her reach.

She's paying close attention to her surroundings - perhaps too close - but it's not as if she won't lend a hand for anyone who needs it. But fair warning: she'll be protecting herself over other people when it comes down to it. ]

Homura

[ Homura's been paying attention to everything that's going on, but it's not as if she cares all that much. The only thing that matters is Madoka's safety, and she's going to be the one that procures it, not matter what. She's keeping tabs on Madoka by using her minions to off several of the shadows before some of them get sucked in themselves.

It's okay; it's not as if they're human to begin with, after all. Even though they're a part of Homura, they're just a portion of her essence, so it's not that huge of a problem.

She'll even chase them all the way upstairs to what seems to be a dead-end before jumping off the roof, black wings appearing on her back as she transforms into her magical girl state, taking out several guns from her shield as she shoots several of the shadows down to the ground; she won't allow them to touch her or the one she cares the most.

Basically, Homura will be running around and offing any shadow that comes her way - and possibly anybody else who dares stand in her way. She's not only using guns, but also her magical purple bow and arrow.

Of course, she doesn't have to care about wasting magic; she's no longer a magical girl after all.. ]

Himeko

[ Admist all the chaos, there's one Himeko Inaba who seems to be hanging out with several of the other NPCs with a happy look in her eyes, laughing while eating with others during lunch, and that is quite a weird sight. When shadows do show up, there is a sign of shock in her eyes, but it's nothing compared to what fear feels like to her.

Basically, she's happy now.

There's no need for her to fear anything anymore most of the time, especially since the shadows are now ignoring her. She can be found still attending classes like nobody else and acting quite... demure.

It's kind of creepy, honestly. Though if she does see someone she knows, she might as well chat them up! She can be helpful, after all! ]

Comments

[replayed]

And I understand their sentiment.

[ Homura doesn’t care - or so she tells herself - if she ends up alone again. There’s only one goal she plans on achieving. She wipes the tomato off her face as she dismisses her minions away. Madoka’s a good girl, so she doesn’t need to be hurt. Even if they usually don’t listen to her words, this is one command that they know to do, understanding her strong feelings towards the girl. ]

But you’re wrong about me. Even though I wished to be kind at one point, that is now impossible. By doing what I did, I became an entity known as “evil”. I planned on making everyone my enemy in the end. And losing to who you would call the “good guys”.

Perhaps my thinking may be warped, but I do not care. There is only one thing that I wish for. I want you to be happy. Even if it means that I have to give up everything, even if it means that everyone will hate and avoid me. All that pain and suffering is valuable to me now.

If you wish to do the same, then you can go ahead. I won’t mind.

[ She’s trying to play it cool, even though she’s hurting on the inside. There’s too much pain that she’s holding in, but that pain is also her strength. It’s what fuels her powers, her abilities. She may not be able to stop time or rewind it - something that she wishes that she could do - but she’s still stronger than all the others here.

She’s the most useful to Madoka.

Right? ]

[happyends]

[ She's scared.

No, that's not the right word for it. She's not scared, per se, but she's.. worried? Upset? Nervous? What kind of word do you paste onto an emotion like this, anyway?

She doesn't know, but what Madoka does know is that an unpleasant feeling bubbles up in her stomach as she hears more and more words from Homura she really wishes she would never have to hear.

And after a moment it all spills out, the agony clearly audible in her voice. ]

T-.. that's wrong, Homura-chan..!

[ This isn't what she wants. Nothing about this is anything like what she ever wanted. ]

I don't want you to do all those things for me! I just want you and everyone else to be happy..! [ No matter what happens to herself. Maybe she's hypocritical in that sense, since it's the same thing as what she's scolding Homura for now, but-- ] You didn't have to do any of that..!

[ So.. please.

Stop it. ]

[replayed]

[ She can hear it in her voice, and as the words spill out of Madoka's lips, Homura knows that she can't take it anymore. She doesn't want to listen to any of this anymore, but she knows already that her decisions have been made and it's already too late for her to turn back.

The irony. ]

I wanted to protect your happiness from the very beginning.

[ Her voice is softer now, more even. Homura's calmed down a bit, but there's still something to her tone that's more than just a little upset.

All of these feelings are trying to come back onto the surface, but Homura keeps them down, bottled up inside of her. Madoka doesn't need to know yet.

It's not worth it. ]

My wish was to become someone who could protect you, rather than you protecting me. I made a mistake and told Kyubey the truth, and I wished to die in my labyrinth so he couldn't capture you. ...My happiness would have disappeared if that were to happen.

[happyends]

[ Even if Homura might become more calm, Madoka sure isn't. Sure, it's not like she's angry - because does this girl ever get angry to begin with? - but she's still very obviously upset and unable to contain her emotions. Her eyes start to water up at the thought of everything, of what happened with Homura and everyone else. ]

If you think you're protecting my happiness, then.. y-you're wrong! Like I said, I wouldn't have wanted any of this..!

[ She hates to deny Homura's efforts. Really.

But on the other hand, if she doesn't make it clear now, then Homura will just continue thinking this way and things might only get more and more wrong. ]

Didn't you tell me that if I value my friends and family, I shouldn't try changing the life I have or the person I am?

[ She still remembers that, that day in school when she saw Homura for the first time, when it all started-- ]

Then why are you doing that even though you told me not to..?! E-.. even though we're friends..

[replayed]

Because it’s my own fault that all of this happened to begin with. I should have stopped you from making that wish and making everyone forget about you. The only one who remembered was me.

As time passed, I slowly began to waver.

[ Her voice continues to be calm, but she soon begins to sound more tense, more frustrated. She’s not mad at Madoka, she could never be. It’s impossible for her to do even that, and she knows it all too well. Homura blames herself for anything - no, for everything that’s happened in regards to Kyubey and Puella Magi.

That’s why the burden has to be on her.

That’s why she has to be the one in pain. Everyone should hate her and leave her alone for all of eternity. ]

I asked myself… “Were my memories even real?” “Were they all just a mere delusion?” “Was the girl named Kaname Madoka just a figment of my imagination?” Things like that. Of course, I had to change myself for the sake of my friends and family… After all, I’m no good otherwise.

I would rather simply kill myself again until everything just disappears.

[happyends]

[ It's not like Madoka realised what the aftereffects of her wish would be. Not exactly. It doesn't surprise her to know she was somehow erased from everyone's memories since she did decide to give everything up to help everyone, but it's still not something she saw coming for sure.

But even so, even though she can understand why Homura was upset.. this isn't the right way to go about it. It just can't be. ]

You've always been plenty good to me though! And-- I-I'm sure that everyone else would have understood too if they knew why you acted the way you did! I'm sure you could've had lots of friends, so.. don't do something like this for my sake.

[ She already normally wouldn't want it, hating to be selfish, but considering just what Homura did, it feels even worse. ]

It's not what I want, and it's not what everyone else wants either.. you'll just make everyone sad and hurt.

[replayed]

... It's impossible. Every time I tried to make someone believe me, it all ended in failure. So how could I tell anyone? Who would believe me-?! They would all think I'm crazy, after all.

[happyends]

[ She knows. Sayaka, Mami-- they both told her to stay away from Homura, after all. And with good reason, but Madoka is Madoka, so she still wants to try somehow. Not a single one of them should have to sacrifice themselves somehow, if they can all just be happy.. ]

.. Have you never tried asking me for help, Homura-chan? I can help them understand you, and you them..

[replayed]

[ Homura swallows nervously. She's not exactly certain if she can actually do this. Relying on Madoka again wasn't something that she wanted.

But... ]

Is it okay? For someone like me to ask for help...? I've become a monster, you know.

[happyends]

Of course it's okay..! [ Because Madoka knows that she's always just asked for help too, that everyone died because she wasn't strong enough to save them, because she didn't try to contract until it was already too late, and then-- ]

.. You don't want to be a monster, right..?

[replayed]

Even if I didn't, I've already become one.

[happyends]

Even if you did, you can change. Everyone can change..

[ Kyouko seemed scary and dangerous at first, after all, but in the end she gave her life to save Sayaka. Madoka knows better than to judge people at first sight now. ]

If you want to change, if you don't want to be a monster, then you can, Homura-chan! Just try being more kind to people..

[replayed]

But I can't...! I can't take back what I did.

[happyends]

.. I don't remember what you did. Neither did Mami-san, Sayaka-chan or Kyouko-chan.. none of us know what happens. [ And none of them will, considering they're all dead. The ones Homura did it too - they're a different Madoka, a different everyone else.

Not that it would make it any more forgivable, usually, but.. ]

So.. if you don't linger in the past, but if you're willing to look to the future instead and better yourself, then it should really be alright.

[ She smiles sadly. ]

We're dead, Homura-chan. We can't change anything about the things from back when we were alive, but we can try to do our best now.

[replayed]

I can try, but I'm not so certain they will be willing to forgive me for what I've done.

[happyends]

I'll tell them the same thing I told you, if you want me to be there to help you explain. [ Then again, it's not like Madoka realises that not everyone is as utterly forgiving as she is.. ]

If you acknowledge your mistakes and say you'll try better in the future, then they should trust you.. that's how people always move on and live, after all.

[replayed]

... If they'll forgive me, that will be nothing short of a miracle.

[ She knows it all too well, after all. ]

But I can't promise that I won't make any more mistakes.

[happyends]

But you can try to promise to not make more, right..? No one can help making mistakes, but we can at least try our best to not make them.

[ Intentions matter! That's practically what she's trying to say here. As long as your intention is to change, then surely other people will forgive you. ]

[replayed]

... I can try.

[happyends]

[ Phew. Those words really are a relief on her. She's not sure she can entirely understand Homura, especially now, but if the other girl is willing to make an effort, then Madoka in turn (of course) is more than willing to trust her.

She wouldn't want to lose a friend, anyway. ]

Thank you, Homura-chan. I'm so glad... [ And it's a sincere sentiment. ]

[replayed]

[ That's good enough for her. She doesn't like seeing Madoka unhappy, so for now, she'll at least attempt to play nice. It's going to be difficult, knowing what she's become, but she'll try nevertheless. ]

You're welcome.