[ Why the hell do you follow me? Well, that's a loaded question and he'll never be able to answer it for her fully accurately. He doesn't know for himself - Kohaku's never been an entirely self-reflected person. He's in denial about a lot of his feelings and he's lived well that way - why would he need to reflect when it only brings pain? ]
Idiot!! If I don't follow you, if I don't fight with you, and if I know you won't make it than what am I supposed to do?! I've only made it this far because you gave me a place to be!! You needed my guns and my music and that's why-- why I--
[ That's why I haven't run insane yet. That's why I haven't lost myself yet. He breaks off and storms forward again, grabbing her by the shoulders. ]
I don't want to disappear! I don't want to become an NPC! I don't want god knows what kind of shit is coming for us! But even less than that I want to watch any of that happen to you - I'm not going to get lost if I can't somehow help it, but there's no fucking point if I can't make sure you're not safe as well!!
[ It's selfish, it's super-selfish, how much he needs her to justify his own existence. He's loyal to Yuri, even devoted maybe, and he'd give most things for her without a second thought - but there is nothing selfless and nothing noble about it. As it is now, he needs her to exist. When he's on his own everything comes crashing down on him and he only panics and panics because there is just darkness and aimlessness. Once before had he had people that made him feel like the SSS does - once before he's felt that maybe, at the side of those persons he could make a change and go somewhere. And what had he done? He died on them, leaving them, unable to make any change, unable to reach any destination. Stuck stuck and stuck. Kohaku is a destructive person and maybe he's unable to protect anything permanently - and that's why they're here, at this stalemate. No matter who might end up losing whom, it would be their nightmare. Because they're both unable to protect what keeps them holding on. Someone who depends on you. Someone to depend on. Because from their earliest memories on, they watched what gave them security whither away in front of their eyes. ]
no subject
Idiot!! If I don't follow you, if I don't fight with you, and if I know you won't make it than what am I supposed to do?! I've only made it this far because you gave me a place to be!! You needed my guns and my music and that's why-- why I--
[ That's why I haven't run insane yet. That's why I haven't lost myself yet. He breaks off and storms forward again, grabbing her by the shoulders. ]
I don't want to disappear! I don't want to become an NPC! I don't want god knows what kind of shit is coming for us! But even less than that I want to watch any of that happen to you - I'm not going to get lost if I can't somehow help it, but there's no fucking point if I can't make sure you're not safe as well!!
[ It's selfish, it's super-selfish, how much he needs her to justify his own existence. He's loyal to Yuri, even devoted maybe, and he'd give most things for her without a second thought - but there is nothing selfless and nothing noble about it. As it is now, he needs her to exist. When he's on his own everything comes crashing down on him and he only panics and panics because there is just darkness and aimlessness.
Once before had he had people that made him feel like the SSS does - once before he's felt that maybe, at the side of those persons he could make a change and go somewhere. And what had he done? He died on them, leaving them, unable to make any change, unable to reach any destination. Stuck stuck and stuck.
Kohaku is a destructive person and maybe he's unable to protect anything permanently - and that's why they're here, at this stalemate. No matter who might end up losing whom, it would be their nightmare. Because they're both unable to protect what keeps them holding on. Someone who depends on you. Someone to depend on. Because from their earliest memories on, they watched what gave them security whither away in front of their eyes. ]