Just a little breakdown...

[tenminutes]

WHO: Accelerator, Kohaku, anyone else who wants to show up?
WHAT: After everything just keeps piling up, Yuri is finally at her breaking point.
WHEN: June 20th, ~7am.
WHERE: Various, due to the Boogie Wonderland event, but starting in the living room of House A.
WARNINGS: Violence against NPCs, psychological breakdown, lack of sleep, shadows, cursing, potentially violence against human-y people too, screaming, potentially crying.

[ Yuri had found her way back to one of the rooms in the safe zone. It wasn't even hers, it was just the living room space of their house. She knew it was theirs because that was the couch that Hinata had slept on, it had a stupid knick in the fabric from when she'd been playing with her knife and accidentally got it. A bullet hole in the back from one of the times that the residents of their house had gotten a little too rough and loud. (One of the many times.) Things in the room were arranged just as they'd left them before things got.. strange.

It'd been days since Yuri'd found any place in the safe zone, and she didn't even know if it still worked because of the glitch. She hadn't actually eaten in days after the first time something went wrong with drinking something on the first day. Yuri sat down on the couch, her knees up to her chest and her gun in front of her. She'd been injured from coming out above some of the trees before, there was crusted blood on her leg where her thigh highs were torn but the injury had healed a while ago. She'd wasted a good number of her bullets fighting an oversized cat that decided she was lunch on her way back to the school area. Then the shadows.. She only had a couple of bullets left, at least until she got the spare box from under the couch cushions.

Somehow she'd even managed to not be able to find anyone real these past few days. Nothing felt real anymore. As she settled in on the couch she let her eyes fall half-shut. She wanted to sleep, even if she couldn't be sure that this 'safe area' was still safe. It felt safe, because it used to be Hinata's, but.. A pang hit her heart again. Honestly, she'd lost a lot of people, but she'd never lost them after they'd found out that she had feelings for them. She hadn't said it out loud, but it was impossible not to know, and after that he'd disappeared..

She wasn't sure if it was her fault, and she was sure that Hinata wouldn't want her to blame herself, but.. if this kept going on, she was going to lose everyone. She didn't even know if she had anyone left. She hadn't seen any, she was probably already alone.

This wasn't her fault, this was his fault. The Programmer's. Everything wrong here was his fault right now, except why she was here. Maybe he had something to do with the people who disappeared in weird circumstances too.

If he was hiding amongst the NPCs, then..

Yuri couldn't remember why she wasn't supposed to kill them. They weren't human. The Programmer was even less human than the NPCs. The NPCs were just shadows with masks on, really. The Programmer was just a human wearing the same mask as an NPC so he didn't get found amongst his monsters. They weren't human. They didn't have emotions, they couldn't hurt like this!

Yuri suddenly started laughing, gripping her gun tighter. If she went out feeling like this, she had no doubt that even the NPCs that hadn't turned yet would start showing their true faces. Her laughter grew, her voice cracking a little. ]

The Programmer can't turn into a shadow!

[ He'll be the only one to drop if she manages to kill him. Then she can make him feel what it's like to lose everything until he fixes it. Yuri wasn't sure she'd stop hurting him then, not after everything, but there was one thing she knew for sure.

That pesky speck of guilt she'd always felt about thinking of the possibility of burying him alive was gone.

Yuri stood up, trying to stop herself from laughing again. She didn't know how close the others were. Maybe they weren't close at all, or maybe they were in their rooms and could hear her and just couldn't get to her. It didn't matter anymore.

Another deep breath and her face went blank. She'd choke the breath out of every last one of them until she found him if she had to. When she reached the door, her hand hesitated, hovering over the doorknob. She didn't know where it'd take her, but she couldn't do this anymore. She'd watch the world burn before that. ]

Comments

[onewayroad]

[Accelerator had had nearly as bad luck during the past few days. There were only NPCs wherever he went. Most food or drink he tried to consume wound up less than palatable, with tastes, textures, and temperatures all wonky and the odd effect occurring now and then. Eventually he'd foregone everything besides canned coffee. About half the time it was safe. (The other half of the time it turned into other beverages which he'd just drink as long as it wasn't completely revolting.) After nearly a week of this, the hunger had devolved into a dull, hook-like ache that never entirely faded away.

Surfaces were a pain in the neck. Gravity was uneven and wouldn't stop fluctuating in strength. The walls dripped to the point of partial melting. When he tried to open windows the proper way to get around the doors' spatial coordinate mismatch issues, the window openings would act the same for him. The only way for him to circumvent it at all was by breaking through the walls themselves. And even that didn't behave as per normal.

And then there was the issue of his powers. An esper's ability only manifested itself when the esper's Personal Reality interfered with the surrounding reality. The instability of the reality around him combined with his recent recovery from NPC programming made for a double-whammy of interference, enough to make his ability of vector transformation anywhere from completely unusable to barely fully under his control.

The laws governing the reality of the afterlife have destabilized, deviated, mutated... It took Accelerator a long time to stabilize his own ability, grasp control of his Personal Reality, and only now was he making any headway on reverse-engineering the aforementioned aberrational laws. Information he needs to include in his algorithms if he wants his powers to work reliably. It hadn't taken long with the #2's Dark Matter, but that had had profound differences from the current situation and a much smaller scope.

He currently has no idea what time it is. He's spent the last few hours at the school swimming pool practicing with water flow control, and now is tired enough to seek out someplace else for a break. This is why he stands in front of the door leading to the boy's locker room and pulls it open, looks in, shuts the door upon deciding he doesn't care for where it leads, and repeats the sequence. For once it'd be nice to get the door to the school roof, so he can get outside through that and head to the town that way.

On about the eighth try he pulls it wide open and finds himself staring at Yuri, the first real person he's seen in what seems like forever. He stands there, an ugly pang in his stomach and a dumbfounded look spreading across his face. Behind her is one of the house's living rooms. Yuri looks like hell.

As for him, his clothes are rumpled, dirty, torn and lightly damp from the water earlier, his hair's a mess like he slept on it wrong, and the bags under his eyes that come and go have returned full force.]

...Yuri?

[tenminutes]

[ When the door opens, it's almost like Yuri doesn't actually see Accelerator. Her eyes fall on him, but there's something in them that isn't quite right. It's clear that she's so far beyond done with this entire situation. Done with more than just the glitch. ]

Move.

[ She doesn't care that there's a chance the gun won't work, she just wants to do something, anything, and she knows exactly what she wants to do. The person who told her that she couldn't go after the NPCs is gone. They're monsters, that's all they are, and there's no reason that she shouldn't go after them whether they're conscious of it or not.

But the biggest monster who put them here is a human like them. The one thing she really had a moral problem with until now was because of that, but it seems like it doesn't matter anymore. She doesn't move against Accelerator, giving him the opportunity to get out of her way, but chances are that if he doesn't move quickly enough she will. Because it doesn't matter anymore. The reality is, the chances are that he'll disappear soon enough too. Everyone does. ]

[onewayroad]

[he steps further in front of the opened door to block her passage, hand remaining on the knob while his other hand goes for the gun at his side. he doesn't pull it out yet, though he might if he doesn't like where this goes. a neutral, not-quite-scowl replaces the dumbfounded look from just a moment ago.]

No. You move. There's nothing of value in the pool room, so don't bother going in there.

[The nature of her goal eludes him, but he does sense that something's off about her.]

[tenminutes]

There aren't any NPCs at all?

[ he knew that she couldn't beat Accelerator in a fight, but that edge- that need to just beat the shit out of something was rising. Still, she took a deep breath and moved out of the way so he could get into the room she was in, holding onto the door knob so that it didn't shut once he went through in case there were any. ]

[onewayroad]

Not in there, no.

[hand still firmly on the grip of his gun, he lets himself in, eyeing her strangely and suspiciously when she doesn't let go of the door knob even though he does. he's no longer completely blocking the doorway, but he's very close to it. his gaze flicks to her hand on the knob, then back at her face.]

Why do you care?

[There's at least a couple different reasons one might, but he might as well have her specify.]

[tenminutes]

I want to change the rules.

[ Accelerator actually had the ability to stop her if he wanted to, she was sure. She didn't know that his abilities were off; she didn't know how they worked, after all. Giving him any indication of what she actually wanted to do could mean he would get in her way.

Yuri closed the door. If there weren't any NPCs in there then there wasn't a point in going in there. Releasing the handle for a brief moment, she reached over to open it again to see where it would lead next. ]

[onewayroad]

[His abilities have been anywhere from partly to completely unavailable, fluctuating over the past few days, but keeping that information on the down low was a tactic he would use on anyone who knew about them, in any situation. The most problematic part is his Redirection, normally kept automatic. It's the most unreliable since it could disable at any moment due to interference. Active other uses of his ability are hit or miss, but still more reliable. The interference with his AIM field doesn't mean the field is gone.

He frowns at her words, watching her as she releases the knob only to go for it again and open the door.]

I doubt you can do a single thing about it just by having NPCs.

[Which rules does she mean? Surely she doesn't mean the laws that the afterlife reality operates on - the ones that have been on his mind ever since shit hit the fan. One needs Angel Player for that. So... which other rules?]

[tenminutes]

He's hiding amongst them, so all I have to do is bury or sink all of them and he'll go away forever unless someone lets him out. The NPCs themselves will probably reset or turn to shadows eventually and come back to the surface, but he'll stay down there. He's human.

[ It seemed like a simple solution to her. It might not be the most moral one, but at this point she honestly didn't know anything else that she could do. She tried destroying the system already. He just fixed it. As long as he's here, no one is safe, and she already knows she's going to lose everyone anyway so she might as well at least make it so they can choose how she loses them. ]

He better hope I don't figure out who he is before he's down there.

[onewayroad]

[He changes his footing slightly so he can react faster if need be.]

...Don't be stupid, Yuri. Do you have any idea how poorly thought out and logistically problematic that plan is? And aren't you the one who told me not to fuck with the NPCs? You sure did bitch about me tossing one into a tree once.

[One that landed up there without a scratch, he might add.]

[tenminutes]

I don't care!

[ Maybe she was acting like a brat right now, or stupid. It wasn't as though this was the first time she tried to go on her own, even if the last time ended badly as well. She always ended up needing to be saved by people, and the one time she thought she might have finally been able to help everyone- to protect the people she cared about, it came unraveled and she ended up back here somehow. ]

I don't care.

[ Yuri's grip on the door knob was shaking a little bit now. ]

[onewayroad]

Maybe you should before you fuck yourself over.

[reaches out to grab her arm somewhere - upper arm, forearm, wrist, somewhere he can keep a firm grip so she doesn't go running off.]

[tenminutes]

[ Yuri sees him trying to grab her and tries to get through the door first, but he gets her arm. Unfortunately, in the state of mind she's in, that means she just reaches for her gun with the other one. ]

Since when is this your business? You never wanted anything to do with me until recently!

[ She knows it wasn't entirely true, but sometimes it felt like it. Plus, right now, she honestly just wants to resolve this and beat the shit out of something and just make everything stop hurting so much. Her voice was starting to get a little less steady as she spoke. ]

I can't wander around uselessly anymore!

[onewayroad]

[he grips her arm firmly and tries to pull her away from the door, scowling as he spots her going for her gun. that just prompts him into pulling his out and holding it up. he doesn't directly aim for anywhere in particular, but he could shoot if he wanted to. he practically growls out his response in a rough tone.]

Since when? Who the fuck knows. But it's always been dangerous for anyone to get involved with me. They wind up injured, dead, kidnapped, targeted... and 99% of the time they're only there to use me. What makes you think I'd make it easy for anyone? If you're gonna bitch about this now, blame yourself for not being smart and giving up a long time ago.

[There's more to it, much more, but he's not particularly in the mood to bring those details up, or to ever reveal them.]

Now come back in here.

[violined]

[ The Programmer was doing this shit to weaken them. The no sleeping period had worn them out already, but now not a single moment of recovery was possible anymore. Everything was fucked up and fucked up and more fucked up and Kohaku feels like he should just lay down on the ground and sleep and ignore whatever could happen to him next. But there's no way he can do that. He can't give in to them, the monsters in charge of this place. And more than anything, he can't let himself go out before he knows what had become of this small group, these few people left, who he cared about.

Right now he hardly feels like he cares about anything though. How could he? He is running out of weapons... that was maybe the worst thing, that not even his weapons were reliable anymore. Knifes acting like rubber, bullets turning to flowers... Nothing worked the way it was supposed to work and then, when it did, it was gone to fast. Retrieving thrown knives was hard in this world.
His gun had two bullets left and he had only one last knife that he clutched as if his life depended on it. He hasn't been without weapons in years and the prospect of being unarmed, entirely helpless, has left him twitchy and on edge.

It's a relief when he finds the music room, even if being there now is pointless, entirely pointless. What band... what music... he still doesn't even have his violin back. This is a world without room for music now, making it the worst kind of world he could imagine.

Kohaku leans against the wall and tries to steady his breathing and thoughts as the door opens. Instinctively, he points the knife in its direction. His knuckles are white from his tight grip on it.

When he finally registers who's in the doorway, he can't believe his eyes. Literally. He refuses to believe it's Yuri, it's really Yuri. But if it was an illusion, would she look as beat and horrible as she does now? Probably not... It's hard to make up his mind on any reaction in this state, so Kohaku just waits in silence for whatever she is going to do. ]

[tenminutes]

[ Yuri recognizes that he's there, though it doesn't seem as though she's really looking at him. Instead, she just moves forward, like she's trying to get past him without engaging him. It's important that she doesn't, even now she knows that Kohaku looks to her. Last time something happened to her, it didn't end well for him.

It was best to just not tell him, not engage him. There was no way she could manage any semblance of calm thinking right now, and that part of her that wants to protect everyone still holds onto even the tiniest attempt to spare him from getting the brunt of it. Not well enough, since her understanding of the situation has been boiled down to a simplicity:

Get rid of the Programmer for good, everything goes back to normal and nothing will change again. It was the only thing that mattered. ]

[violined]

[ For another long moment Kohaku watches her quietly, just taking in everything that is so horribly wrong about her. It's hard to break the silence when she doesn't break it and that alone is off. So off it fits right back in with all they have been going through these past few days.
He vaguely understands why she wouldn't want to talk - if she were only an acqaintance maybe he'd have made no effort to speak either - but because it's her he can't let her. Next door through meant they wouldn't see each other again for god knows how long and this is the absolute last situation where they should be out of touch.
They need a plan, they need anything-

It's creepy not to speak to each other and suddenly he takes his knife down and reaches to grab her shoulder. If there's only silence then they'll never know what's going on and it's been so long since he last talked to anybody at all. ]

Hey. Where do you think you're going again so fast?

[tenminutes]

[ Yuri's eyes darted to the hand on her shoulder, almost immediately moving her own hand up to shove it off. ]

If all the NPCs are dead then he can't hide anymore, I'll just bury them all. Move.

[ Yuri was clearly tired, hungry, and she'd lost so many people and this whole situation just meant she'd lose so many more. Seeing that Kohaku was okay only barely registered as a good thing since she had already figured she would just be alone. Because eventually, inevitably, he'd disappear too wouldn't he? And she thought that she could disappear, but it didn't happen. It wouldn't happen, this place just snatched her back. Even if she wasn't alone now what good was letting people in when all they did was leave you behind? Again, and again, and again.. ]

[violined]

[ The sentiment is definitely something he agrees with. It's surprising to hear from her, the one who always taught him to not harm them. If it had been Kohaku's choice they'd all have been killed over and over and over.

However, he doesn't like the way Yuri speaks and especially not how she shoves him aside. His expression hardens. ]

Do you think I'll let you go alone? Didn't we agree to not do anything stupid on our own again.

[ Because it is stupid, fighting in this state. Kohaku knows Yuri is strong, but that won't help her against a steadily growing army, not when she's hurt already. She'd be out way too fast. ]

[tenminutes]

89 people.

[ She knew the exact number. Everyone in the original SSS was 63. Then all the people who constantly came and went here since then, both those who joined the SSS and those who hadn't. The people she'd become friends with, then lost. She wasn't really in the state of mind to explain what that meant, though, so Kohaku would have to guess. ]

I've been on my own for days. I've been completely alone before. I've been promised that I'd never be left alone, then been left behind. I've had friends go behind my back to take away the people I care about because it was the right thing to do. If we haven't managed to beat this guy together, if I haven't managed to protect any of you and I'm going to lose everyone then what does it matter if I'm alone?

[ She couldn't let herself get emotional about this, and it showed in the way that her tone stayed surprisingly even as she spoke. She continued, though, and there was a hint of wavering in her voice, almost as though she wanted to start laughing again. ]

I'm not doing something stupid, I just want to see him bleed, then hear him try to scream away the last of his oxygen six feet under. [ There's something clearly off about the way she says that. She's not the type of person to needlessly torture someone, not herself. If people are stupid enough to follow her orders during a punishment game, that's different, but wanting someone to suffer.. that was far off from who she was. So was the smile drawing to her lips. ] I won't stop you from following, but don't get in my way.

[violined]

[ While Yuri might be able to suppress her own emotion, if only for the time being, Kohaku's not blessed with such a gift. As she speaks, he grits his teeth heavily - he wants to fight her on this, he wants to tell her that there's no way in hell he'll disappear... but he can't.
It's the same kind of thing he might have said to Lucille in life. The wording would have been far more negative, but in essence it's the same. And what did he end up doing? He became another corpse, nothing but another body for Lucille to further justify his fucked up thought that he's cursed with making people around him die.
He doesn't think he'll ever be able to leave this place, but likely nobody else who told her they'd stay with her had. In their situation there is no way to reassure one another. Yuri wouldn't believe him - and he wouldn't believe her if it was the other way around. Words were meaningless compared to the disappearances they'd faced.
In the end, he will be alone. He can't tell Yuri she won't be, because he feels that way about himself. He's gotten attached to so many people here and that was the biggest mistake he ever could have made. They were truly lunatics, thinking that any sort of friendship after death could last.
And still, he can't press the off-switch and let Yuri go and pretend she does not matter. She does - and the terror he feels at the thought of losing her through any means is real and all-consuming. ]

And what about that is not stupid? What about jumping in a sea of potential shadows on your own expecting to find that villain is not entirely reckless? That's not a matter of how lonely this shithole gets or about how much you can take on your own... it's just an insane suicide mission by numbers alone.

[ It'll still be a suicide mission with two of them, but that's fine by him now. So... ]

So if I can't talk you out of this bullshit to begin with, this time I'm not letting you go down unless I go down first.

[tenminutes]

[ Yuri and Kohaku always had the type of friendship that occasionally involved throwing things at each other. But this was different. Somehow, as Yuri listened to him saying that she was being stupid and doing a suicide mission, it didn't matter up until the point that he said he was coming with. At that point Yuri couldn't seem to hold back, quickly moving to try to punch Kohaku. If he wanted to go down, she'd try to take him down here- the one place it might, might be safe enough that she wouldn't have to worry about him because the last thing she wanted to do was lose anyone else. Especially not because of her own stupidity.

Of course, being on the nerve of screaming and crying probably didn't make her the swiftest of fighters. ]

[violined]

[ Whoa whoa whoa. Despite all her odd behaviour, it somehow didn't register with Kohaku that she might try and attack him. He must be truly tired, letting his guard down like that. Even though he moves in response, trying to avoid damage, he gets hit by her fist anyway.
It aches, but it's not enough to knock him out or whatever she was intending. There is a second of stunned silence as he takes a step back, but then his response is immediate and it's a kick aimed at her.

He doesn't really think about why they're hurting each other when he acts. He's tired, he's worn out and even if it's the person who he trusts the most who attacks him, she's not getting special treatment. Both of them move horribly clumsy compared to their normal skill - his counterattack is a mockery of the force he normally kicks with. He's doing it for the action in itself, but even if it hit at full force, it wouldn't do much more damage than he'd taken from her.
They're powerless, absolutely powerless. If they run amok now, they'll surely be NPCs again. The very thing they swore would never happen to them again is steps away from happening - he can't let that happen. ]

[tenminutes]

[ Yuri takes the hit too, slamming into the door but holding onto the frame to make sure that she doesn't fall through. She can't let Kohaku go with her. Instead of attacking him again, she just ends up screaming at him, ignoring any pain from the kick or hitting the door as a result. ]

Just stay down if you're going to get involved, idiot! Why the hell do you follow me anyway!? I haven't been able to do anything but lose everyone! Why the hell would you follow me knowing that you probably won't make it!? If I'm the only one left every time no matter how hard I try to protect everyone, why!?

[ Despite that she played the part of a good leader, and usually did a fairly decent job, Yuri's confidence in her abilities as a leader have never been particularly high. She just rarely voiced it, because that wasn't what people needed to hear. They needed someone strong, someone who could protect them. That was the person Yuri wanted to be, so it was how she acted. And for a while, she even believed it too, but the further into this hole they got, the less she was able to cling to the idea that she was capable of doing this. The more people she lost, the more she questioned just why everyone kept following her. The more people she lost, the more she questioned why she kept trying to protect everyone if she was the one who always ended up being protected, like Kohaku was trying to do now. Why, when she was such a failure, did people keep jumping into the fray because of her? Why did people keep getting hurt protecting her? Why was she always, always the only one left standing when the help arrived and things were finally whatever screwed up version of "safe" they were supposed to be?

Why was it always the people she loved that ended up having to pay the price?

Yuri clutched the door, practically shaking as she tried to control herself, but it wasn't working. She was all too obviously barely holding on. ]

[violined]

[ Why the hell do you follow me? Well, that's a loaded question and he'll never be able to answer it for her fully accurately. He doesn't know for himself - Kohaku's never been an entirely self-reflected person. He's in denial about a lot of his feelings and he's lived well that way - why would he need to reflect when it only brings pain? ]

Idiot!! If I don't follow you, if I don't fight with you, and if I know you won't make it than what am I supposed to do?! I've only made it this far because you gave me a place to be!! You needed my guns and my music and that's why-- why I--

[ That's why I haven't run insane yet. That's why I haven't lost myself yet. He breaks off and storms forward again, grabbing her by the shoulders. ]

I don't want to disappear! I don't want to become an NPC! I don't want god knows what kind of shit is coming for us! But even less than that I want to watch any of that happen to you - I'm not going to get lost if I can't somehow help it, but there's no fucking point if I can't make sure you're not safe as well!!

[ It's selfish, it's super-selfish, how much he needs her to justify his own existence. He's loyal to Yuri, even devoted maybe, and he'd give most things for her without a second thought - but there is nothing selfless and nothing noble about it. As it is now, he needs her to exist. When he's on his own everything comes crashing down on him and he only panics and panics because there is just darkness and aimlessness.
Once before had he had people that made him feel like the SSS does - once before he's felt that maybe, at the side of those persons he could make a change and go somewhere. And what had he done? He died on them, leaving them, unable to make any change, unable to reach any destination. Stuck stuck and stuck.
Kohaku is a destructive person and maybe he's unable to protect anything permanently - and that's why they're here, at this stalemate. No matter who might end up losing whom, it would be their nightmare. Because they're both unable to protect what keeps them holding on. Someone who depends on you. Someone to depend on. Because from their earliest memories on, they watched what gave them security whither away in front of their eyes. ]

[tenminutes]

[ Yuri grabbed ahold of Kohaku's shirt as he told her off. The kind of shirt gripping that usually happened before you beat the crap out of someone, but she just held onto it even a few moments after he finished.

No matter what she wanted, no matter how many people she lost, there were still people that depended on her for more than just being able to accomplish something. Yuri knew that this was true- that the SSS wasn't just a group that existed as a means to an end. If they were she wouldn't care this much. She wouldn't know the name of every single member of the SSS, of Guild, of all of those countless others who'd crossed her path.

They were her family, honestly. That was why it hurt so much to lose them. But the reality was that even if people stuck together, there was always one person that got looked to in any family. And that person couldn't be weak, they had to always know what to do and if they didn't, they had to figure it out. They had to be there for everyone. Yuri had to be there for everyone, even if she couldn't protect them like she wanted to. Even if she couldn't stop herself from losing them.

Yuri didn't hit him again. She wanted to, but she knew at this point if she so much as lifted her head up or let go of his shirt she was going to start crying. And she was that person who had to be strong. Kohaku couldn't lose her, and she didn't know if not being as strong as he seemed to think she was would count for that. Her breathing was heavy as he held her shoulders, her eyes tightly shut. ]

Hinata promised that he'd protect me, and follow me, and that he wouldn't ever leave me alone.

[ It was too late, she was crying. She couldn't stop it. She knew that she shouldn't make this about Hinata, but in a lot of ways it was. Because he promised those things. He said the same things to her, that she gave people a place to be and that he wanted her safe. He threw himself in harms way to do it, and that was part of why Yuri was so scared now. Because the one person who she thought would never, ever break that promise was gone. She couldn't blame him when he wasn't here when she first arrived because he saw her disappear. As far as he knew, she was okay and safe and complete. But this time... ]

How the hell am I supposed to believe anyone that they won't disappear when I can't even believe the person I...

[ She still didn't want to say it. Because now it was real. It was just a theory before, that loving someone was impossible in this world, but now it was her reality. A surge of emotion hit her again, her face completely soaked by now. She knew it was selfish of her to load this onto Kohaku, but she couldn't stop herself from screaming. ]

How am I supposed to give anyone a place when I keep losing every place I have!?

[ She tried to be the support, but she needed someone to support her and the people she chose were gone, so she had no one to go to. No one that wasn't depending on her to be the one providing support. ]