Yuri "Yurippe" Nakamura (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tenminutes) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
afterlogs2014-06-20 12:00 am
tenminutes) wrote in afterlogs2014-06-20 12:00 am
Just a little breakdown...
WHO: Accelerator, Kohaku, anyone else who wants to show up?
WHAT: After everything just keeps piling up, Yuri is finally at her breaking point.
WHEN: June 20th, ~7am.
WHERE: Various, due to the Boogie Wonderland event, but starting in the living room of House A.
WARNINGS: Violence against NPCs, psychological breakdown, lack of sleep, shadows, cursing, potentially violence against human-y people too, screaming, potentially crying.
[ Yuri had found her way back to one of the rooms in the safe zone. It wasn't even hers, it was just the living room space of their house. She knew it was theirs because that was the couch that Hinata had slept on, it had a stupid knick in the fabric from when she'd been playing with her knife and accidentally got it. A bullet hole in the back from one of the times that the residents of their house had gotten a little too rough and loud. (One of the many times.) Things in the room were arranged just as they'd left them before things got.. strange.
It'd been days since Yuri'd found any place in the safe zone, and she didn't even know if it still worked because of the glitch. She hadn't actually eaten in days after the first time something went wrong with drinking something on the first day. Yuri sat down on the couch, her knees up to her chest and her gun in front of her. She'd been injured from coming out above some of the trees before, there was crusted blood on her leg where her thigh highs were torn but the injury had healed a while ago. She'd wasted a good number of her bullets fighting an oversized cat that decided she was lunch on her way back to the school area. Then the shadows.. She only had a couple of bullets left, at least until she got the spare box from under the couch cushions.
Somehow she'd even managed to not be able to find anyone real these past few days. Nothing felt real anymore. As she settled in on the couch she let her eyes fall half-shut. She wanted to sleep, even if she couldn't be sure that this 'safe area' was still safe. It felt safe, because it used to be Hinata's, but.. A pang hit her heart again. Honestly, she'd lost a lot of people, but she'd never lost them after they'd found out that she had feelings for them. She hadn't said it out loud, but it was impossible not to know, and after that he'd disappeared..
She wasn't sure if it was her fault, and she was sure that Hinata wouldn't want her to blame herself, but.. if this kept going on, she was going to lose everyone. She didn't even know if she had anyone left. She hadn't seen any, she was probably already alone.
This wasn't her fault, this was his fault. The Programmer's. Everything wrong here was his fault right now, except why she was here. Maybe he had something to do with the people who disappeared in weird circumstances too.
If he was hiding amongst the NPCs, then..
Yuri couldn't remember why she wasn't supposed to kill them. They weren't human. The Programmer was even less human than the NPCs. The NPCs were just shadows with masks on, really. The Programmer was just a human wearing the same mask as an NPC so he didn't get found amongst his monsters. They weren't human. They didn't have emotions, they couldn't hurt like this!
Yuri suddenly started laughing, gripping her gun tighter. If she went out feeling like this, she had no doubt that even the NPCs that hadn't turned yet would start showing their true faces. Her laughter grew, her voice cracking a little. ]
The Programmer can't turn into a shadow!
[ He'll be the only one to drop if she manages to kill him. Then she can make him feel what it's like to lose everything until he fixes it. Yuri wasn't sure she'd stop hurting him then, not after everything, but there was one thing she knew for sure.
That pesky speck of guilt she'd always felt about thinking of the possibility of burying him alive was gone.
Yuri stood up, trying to stop herself from laughing again. She didn't know how close the others were. Maybe they weren't close at all, or maybe they were in their rooms and could hear her and just couldn't get to her. It didn't matter anymore.
Another deep breath and her face went blank. She'd choke the breath out of every last one of them until she found him if she had to. When she reached the door, her hand hesitated, hovering over the doorknob. She didn't know where it'd take her, but she couldn't do this anymore. She'd watch the world burn before that. ]
WHAT: After everything just keeps piling up, Yuri is finally at her breaking point.
WHEN: June 20th, ~7am.
WHERE: Various, due to the Boogie Wonderland event, but starting in the living room of House A.
WARNINGS: Violence against NPCs, psychological breakdown, lack of sleep, shadows, cursing, potentially violence against human-y people too, screaming, potentially crying.
[ Yuri had found her way back to one of the rooms in the safe zone. It wasn't even hers, it was just the living room space of their house. She knew it was theirs because that was the couch that Hinata had slept on, it had a stupid knick in the fabric from when she'd been playing with her knife and accidentally got it. A bullet hole in the back from one of the times that the residents of their house had gotten a little too rough and loud. (One of the many times.) Things in the room were arranged just as they'd left them before things got.. strange.
It'd been days since Yuri'd found any place in the safe zone, and she didn't even know if it still worked because of the glitch. She hadn't actually eaten in days after the first time something went wrong with drinking something on the first day. Yuri sat down on the couch, her knees up to her chest and her gun in front of her. She'd been injured from coming out above some of the trees before, there was crusted blood on her leg where her thigh highs were torn but the injury had healed a while ago. She'd wasted a good number of her bullets fighting an oversized cat that decided she was lunch on her way back to the school area. Then the shadows.. She only had a couple of bullets left, at least until she got the spare box from under the couch cushions.
Somehow she'd even managed to not be able to find anyone real these past few days. Nothing felt real anymore. As she settled in on the couch she let her eyes fall half-shut. She wanted to sleep, even if she couldn't be sure that this 'safe area' was still safe. It felt safe, because it used to be Hinata's, but.. A pang hit her heart again. Honestly, she'd lost a lot of people, but she'd never lost them after they'd found out that she had feelings for them. She hadn't said it out loud, but it was impossible not to know, and after that he'd disappeared..
She wasn't sure if it was her fault, and she was sure that Hinata wouldn't want her to blame herself, but.. if this kept going on, she was going to lose everyone. She didn't even know if she had anyone left. She hadn't seen any, she was probably already alone.
This wasn't her fault, this was his fault. The Programmer's. Everything wrong here was his fault right now, except why she was here. Maybe he had something to do with the people who disappeared in weird circumstances too.
If he was hiding amongst the NPCs, then..
Yuri couldn't remember why she wasn't supposed to kill them. They weren't human. The Programmer was even less human than the NPCs. The NPCs were just shadows with masks on, really. The Programmer was just a human wearing the same mask as an NPC so he didn't get found amongst his monsters. They weren't human. They didn't have emotions, they couldn't hurt like this!
Yuri suddenly started laughing, gripping her gun tighter. If she went out feeling like this, she had no doubt that even the NPCs that hadn't turned yet would start showing their true faces. Her laughter grew, her voice cracking a little. ]
The Programmer can't turn into a shadow!
[ He'll be the only one to drop if she manages to kill him. Then she can make him feel what it's like to lose everything until he fixes it. Yuri wasn't sure she'd stop hurting him then, not after everything, but there was one thing she knew for sure.
That pesky speck of guilt she'd always felt about thinking of the possibility of burying him alive was gone.
Yuri stood up, trying to stop herself from laughing again. She didn't know how close the others were. Maybe they weren't close at all, or maybe they were in their rooms and could hear her and just couldn't get to her. It didn't matter anymore.
Another deep breath and her face went blank. She'd choke the breath out of every last one of them until she found him if she had to. When she reached the door, her hand hesitated, hovering over the doorknob. She didn't know where it'd take her, but she couldn't do this anymore. She'd watch the world burn before that. ]
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...Don't be stupid, Yuri. Do you have any idea how poorly thought out and logistically problematic that plan is? And aren't you the one who told me not to fuck with the NPCs? You sure did bitch about me tossing one into a tree once.
[One that landed up there without a scratch, he might add.]
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[ Maybe she was acting like a brat right now, or stupid. It wasn't as though this was the first time she tried to go on her own, even if the last time ended badly as well. She always ended up needing to be saved by people, and the one time she thought she might have finally been able to help everyone- to protect the people she cared about, it came unraveled and she ended up back here somehow. ]
I don't care.
[ Yuri's grip on the door knob was shaking a little bit now. ]
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[reaches out to grab her arm somewhere - upper arm, forearm, wrist, somewhere he can keep a firm grip so she doesn't go running off.]
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Since when is this your business? You never wanted anything to do with me until recently!
[ She knows it wasn't entirely true, but sometimes it felt like it. Plus, right now, she honestly just wants to resolve this and beat the shit out of something and just make everything stop hurting so much. Her voice was starting to get a little less steady as she spoke. ]
I can't wander around uselessly anymore!
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Since when? Who the fuck knows. But it's always been dangerous for anyone to get involved with me. They wind up injured, dead, kidnapped, targeted... and 99% of the time they're only there to use me. What makes you think I'd make it easy for anyone? If you're gonna bitch about this now, blame yourself for not being smart and giving up a long time ago.
[There's more to it, much more, but he's not particularly in the mood to bring those details up, or to ever reveal them.]
Now come back in here.
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You're right, I'm stupid! I'm stupid as stupid can be and if I just let myself stop giving a damn then I wouldn't be a danger to everyone as long as those shadows exist!
[ It wasn't entirely true, of course, but Yuri always took far too much blame onto herself for not being able to protect others. She took it to be her fault that those around her kept disappearing, or turning into NPCs, or getting hurt. She couldn't protect them, and eventually everyone would leave her. When she opened up her heart, it seemed like every time she just lost everyone she'd let in. Yuri was terrified to lose the people she had left, and everything here just seemed like it'd be simple to solve if she just destroyed the Programmer. ]
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Shut up, you're still being stupid about this. Whether you stop giving a damn or not won't change the fact that shadows exist and pose a fucking danger! It won't make them disappear, it won't fucking help, all it'll do is strip you of whatever humanity you still have!
[His words start out relatively even, but then he just snaps and at the end he punctuates his retort with trying to bonk her on the head with the gun - just a mild, blunt conk that he'd normally execute with the knife-edge of a flattened hand, much like the time the brat stupidly ran off and got herself lost in the underground shopping mall without a care in the world. It's a risk since she might try to grab the gun itself, but it's a risk he's willing to take.]
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I don't care, I'm tired of losing everyone! I can't-- if I have to become a monster to protect everyone then it's better than losing them, isn't it!? All I have to do is destroy the system and get rid of him so he can't fix it again!
[ Her nails were digging into his skin. It wasn't intentional, she just needed something to hold onto and at this point, she was reckless enough that she didn't care if she wasn't supposed to touch him. If she didn't hold onto something she felt like she was going to fall apart. ]
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[He tugs harder at her arm, nails digging in as well. He tries to shake her hand off of his, and if that fails, there's always twisting it out. For this, for some reason he doesn't want to try using his powers if he can avoid it, if only to prove a point.
He gives another sharp tug.]
It's not worth it because it doesn't fucking work! It'll backfire and make things worse! There's no reason- no fucking reason- a good person like you should have to make that kind of sacrifice! So stop being a dumbass about it.
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[ She honestly didn't know anymore. She could try to become a better fighter or try to plan out operations, but in the end, she couldn't think of any way that didn't end horribly for someone. Not unless they could somehow get the Programmer's girlfriend to come back and make him move on, but she wouldn't wish the circumstances that got someone to this afterlife on anyone. Something as inconstant as wishes wasn't something she wanted to rely on either.
Good person.. Yuri never really thought of herself as a good person. A neutral or average person, maybe, but not good. She was violent, and rude, and for so long she'd just wanted revenge because of how angry she was. She practically bullied Kanade because she hadn't stopped to think about the possibility that she was a human being with an incredible lack of social skills when she should have been trying to take care of her.
And if being a "good person" wasn't solving the problem, if it just meant she kept losing everyone around her, then how was she supposed to solve this without becoming the bad guy? There was a lot of pain evident on her face right now, more than anger despite how she was screaming and holding onto Accelerator. Enough that she barely even noticed the pain of Accelerator's nails digging into her arm, or if she didn't, it didn't matter to her. ]
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Who says you can't destroy the system and get rid of that insufferable piece of shit? I never fucking said you can't. That's not the problem. The problem is planning out how to.
[He threads his now free hand around her arm so that both have a hold on her and keeps pulling her along.]
And the first step toward that is you calming the hell down. When humans are cornered, their thinking becomes simplistic and predictable.
[It's hard to tell since he's never been that expressive, always wearing veneers of neutrality, boredom, apathy, or annoyance for most of his life, but something in his eyes gives off the feeling of heaviness and burden, and painful remembrance. There have been times when he's flipped his shit, when he's completely cracked and gone off the deep end. During those times, he'd usually been alone. But one of those in particular, the small girl who'd accepted him from the moment she met him had come running and embraced him once more, telling him it'd all be okay, and that had been all he'd needed at the time. It hurts to think of the brat right now, it makes his throat tighten and his shoulders tense up; but as awkward as the idea is, he just doesn't feel like shoving it aside and stabbing it to death will do any good.]
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So you want me to just stay in here alone with this stupid couch until it's over or I've calmed down?
[ Planning out how to was nearly impossible in this situation. There were a few tips and tricks that they could each pick up, but there was no way they could learn to predict the entire thing to figure out how to make any kind of strategy without ample time. Yuri wanted to act now, before it was too late. Because if the Programmer found that stupid NPC, somehow it felt like a victory for him regardless of how much Yuri hated the very idea of the thing.
Yuri's voice quieted down a little as she just sat her gun in her lap, staring at the ground in front of her. Her voice was only a hair away from being a whisper. ]
How the hell am I supposed to calm down sitting on this couch and knowing that the person who helps me get through- the person who always was there when I couldn't handle it isn't going to come and it's my fault?
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...I'm no good at this shit. That bastard left a really annoying position empty.
[An annoyed sigh follows.]
You're asking the wrong guy on these kind of matters. I don't know shit about support and whatever. All I can do is sit here and wait till you're in the right headspace for brainstorming.
[And for all he knows, she might very well try to leave. But as long as she stays in the room, he will too.]
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[ She didn't exactly sound sorry though. The tone of those words was halfway between a laugh and incredible bitterness. It wasn't as though just anyone was the type of person who could fill Hinata's position either, since he was so much more than just someone she trusted. He was someone who had seen her at her lowest and refused to let go of her even when she took it out on him. He'd never looked down on her for being pitiful and his faith had never wavered, even from day one. He was someone who understood her, even when she didn't say whatever it was she wanted him to know.
He was the first person she'd even tried to make friends with since she lost her family. The first person she'd come to love, and the first person she'd fallen in love with. Even if she pretended and tried so hard to believe that she couldn't ever love anyone again at one point, he'd broken a hole in her wall and held her hand through it to make sure that she wasn't alone.
That was why Yuri knew that even if Accelerator was good at this, it wouldn't quite be the same. That hole Hinata had dug had collapsed. Even if there were people talking to her on the other side of that wall, it wasn't the same closeness. It made her feel alone again, even if she knew on some level she wasn't. That was the reality though, wasn't it?
Yuri took a deep breath. Maybe she could just.. bury it down. She'd calmed down when Accelerator had awkwardly tried to comfort her that she realized she couldn't put this on him, even if she had been. ]
Sorry.
[ That one was more sincere than the first apology. ]
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No need.
...I know I can't fill his spot, nor do I want to. I just... [trails off, then starts abruptly, thoughts in a scrambled mess, slowly sounding less and less composed until his tone just drops to something low and dull yet harsh.] —there's no reason— I'm not going to sit back and watch you make horrible mistakes I've already made.
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She doesn't say anything for a while, quietly listening to his words and waiting to see if she can think of anything to say to that. Accelerator having done similar things.. Is that why he was so adamant about pushing people away? Because things like this happened? Yuri had wanted to assume that it was something kind like that from the beginning that inspired his actions, but it wasn't as though she'd really had solid proof until now beyond a faith that most people here could be reached one way or the other if someone was willing to put their hand out before it was too late.
Yuri turned her eyes to him after those moments of silence from her. ]
I won't make them. I'll stay here. I think I'm just tired.. Thanks.
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The sins he'd committed were in a completely different league, but he still can't stomach seeing someone who even remotely belongs in the world of light go and try to follow down such a bloody and self-destructive path like his. Yuri was far from perfect. It seemed like she'd been here far too long and this place had taken its toll on her. No wonder she was starting to crack. Still, to him she was a shining example of what humanity's goodness was capable of.
At some point while lost in his thoughts, he'd let his arms go slack, so the one around her shoulder sort of fell back limply and the other hand released its grip on her. And then Yuri's words disrupt that lostness, and he glances toward her, expression just on the edge between neutral and scowl.]
Wearing us out mentally is sure to be one of that bastard's aims.
[Topic change because haha that's enough sentimental crap for the time being.]
no subject
He's a little too good at it for someone who was an NPC for so long.
[ She sighs and closes her eyes. ]
Even if I'm stuck here forever, I never want to become like him.
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[Barring oddities like his unexplained 'disappearance' the other year, Accelerator fully expects to be stuck here for a very long time. Nothing in this place could ever satisfy him. Not when the only thing that keeps him from accepting his fate is the fact that the entire Misaka Network's fate still resides in the hands of the bastard who runs Academy City. Aleister had already tried to get rid of Last Order and replace all the original clones with newer ones, something Accelerator has thwarted for the time being.
Until he can confirm that no one will continue to use the clones as human chess pieces and the clones are free to live their own lives, he won't give up. Seeing their original here had only pissed him off; that meant one less person of actual strength who could fight for the clones in his place. If Kamijou Touma found his way here, Accelerator thought he might crack. (Doubly so if Last Order did. As much as he missed her, he knew he'd break down like a crazy thing.)]
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[ She had let herself be alone before then. She'd forced it upon herself. Punishment, repentance, trying to protect herself from losing anyone else.. it was all of those things. Yuri hadn't wanted anyone to fill that void because it would mean her siblings really were gone. ]
If it weren't for him, the SSS wouldn't exist. I never would've figured out how to lead people or how to control my emotions well enough to take care of others. I never would've had that chance to be "Yurippe" or find peace. Though I think I've lost it by now.
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He's quiet, then shifts the arm behind her to poke sharply at the back of Yuri's head with a couple fingers.]
There's only one thing I can tell you: don't let that dumbass's hard work go to waste by giving up now.
[he turns his gaze away from Yuri to try and hide some of his expression, as what he's about to reveal is a little embarrassing to admit aloud in front of someone else.]
A horrible little brat who looks an awful lot like the Number Three is the reason I'm the person you met by that tree stump. She knew what I did to her sisters, yet she decided I was worth saving. She saw through me the same way you did.
[He had deliberately told Yuri about having mass murdered over 10,000 people in order to make himself look like an unredeemable bastard. Just like Last Order in the restaurant he took her to, Yuri had believed he hadn't done it voluntarily.]
For me to give up would be the same as pissing all over her good will and efforts. That's why I can't, ever.
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The first thing he ever told me off for was this same stupid situation, but I was just in a normal state of mind that time. I said we should just kill every single one of the NPCs, because they weren't real anyway. He told me I couldn't because it would just be a mass homicide.
So.. you're right. I won't let it go to waste. I still want to end that bastard but..
[ Yuri took a deep breath, her arm wiping over her eyes briefly. ]
I'm glad that "horrible little brat" was there for you, Accelerator. I'm glad that she hasn't ended up here too.
no subject
[There's a threatening edge to his words as he mutters that out. As one would expect, that's the last he speaks of it. He's already revealed more about her and himself than he usually prefers, especially when it comes to painting himself in a remotely positive light.]
Now... it's time to start planning.
[There's only so much they can discuss and brainstorm, but having things laid out more clearly so they could see the direction to take was better than stumbling through these glitched rooms aimlessly and without any plans.]
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No it's not.
[ Yuri shakes her head as though to confirm that she knows she's not in a state to make decisions right now. ]
I'm tired and angry, any plan I'd come up with would be a hundred times stupider than normal right now.
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When'd you last sleep and for how long?
[He's tired as well, he's just used to working on the spot and with short time limits, where you couldn't take time to rest. Not everyone can do that.]
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