violined: (your song is my remedy)
Kohaku | royal violinist ([personal profile] violined) wrote in [community profile] afterlogs 2014-06-25 12:52 am (UTC)

[ The instant tears start to fall, Kohaku's grip on her stops being tight and violent. His hands stay where they are, now limp, unsure. He doesn't know what to do when somebody is crying - someone who isn't a child is crying. Eles or his adoptive brother he could have pinched in the cheek, said a small word here and there, violently talked the problem down until it seems okay... He isn't good at that, he honestly is not, but it's some strategy.
But this is Yuri and these are not problems he can belittle in any way. Seeing her cry is strange and it causes a weird detached feeling to rise - he doesn't know how it came to this, how they came to be the kind of people they are now. There is a part of him that says that this can't be real, this can't be them, this can't be how things turned out to be. Why... why... why.... ]


..shit.... shit shit shit....

[ It isn't the most eloquent or supportive thing to say but that's all he can say and he wants to scream it and he wants to kick walls in and yell until he doesn't have a voice anymore - but he can't do that because Yuri is right in front of him and she's crying. She's the most vulnerable he's seen her since that time they were children and even back then he hadn't known a thing to say to ease her pain even if he felt a similar one. Now was the same except it was worth because this was them, the real them, in their real timeline and nothing, absolutely nothing would magically fix itself once the glitch was over.

The cause of Yuri's tears is not something he can remove by shouting at it - he'll just break things further than they are already broken. If he runs away from this now, he might lose whatever little he had left and that is more horrifying than Yuri's current state. He isn't sure if he can feel his legs, but even so, they're probably shaking from the explosion that's taking place inside him and the fear of the unknown situation.

Fear of the unknown. Fear to be alone.

Kohaku keeps standing still for way to long before he makes up his mind and wraps his arms around Yuri's shoulders. He remembers breaking down at home and he remembers how, oh pathetic it was, Lucille's arms around his shoulders had been the only reminders that there was a stable reality that wasn't filled by terror, that wouldn't turn to a nightmare in the very next moment. ]


I don't know... How do I know you don't disappear now... How do I know I don't disappear... I just don't fucking know... They all... All these bastards just ...

[ He keeps breaking off and it's really uncool but there is nothing he can say that wouldn't be way more lame, way weaker... He can't know how Yuri feels, but with each SSS disappearance he himself felt colder and colder and there was nothing they could do to change this. Nothing would bring the people they relied on back. The people they'd made promises with, Hinata, Sena... The people they needed as key players like Haruhi... ]

But if there's a chance of us all just vanishing next second, then there's also a damn chance of that not happening! Even if we're bloody doomed, at least not certainly..

[ It would be nicer if this was like risking your life ordinarily - where you had some sort of control over being and not being. But this was russian roulette and nothing could give them security. ]

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