eggstreme parenting

[crashtestdummy]

Who: Toji, Riki
What: the shinji eggkari raising project I MEAN, JUST ANOTHER EGG LOG
When: January 22nd
Where: HEALTH CLASS
Warnings: We'll see.



[Well, this is definitely one way to get to know a classmate better.

Raising eggs though, really? It wasn't like it was going to hatch. Anything being actually born in this place sounded impossible anyway, as far as Toji was concerned. Still, he handled the egg carefully enough as he lowered the palm containing it onto Riki's desk. resigning himself to this fate.]

Naoe, right? You ready to do this thing?

Comments

[sleepybuster]

[Riki nods, shifting his attention from their apparently new child to Toji. This is so weird... But it's an interesting assignment, at least. And necessary, considering the consequences.]

And you're Suzuhara-san? But yeah, I'm ready. This should be interesting.

[crashtestdummy]

However interesting an egg can be...

[He taps a fingernail against the tiny box glued to it. A good idea.]

Should we... name it?

[HE DOES WANT THAT MEAL TICKET.]

[sleepybuster]

[The most interesting egg. Who knows, it may have two yolks in it--

Either way, Riki laughs, nodding.]

Probably. It's supposed to be our child now, so it would only be right if we named it. Do you have any ideas?

[crashtestdummy]

[Perhaps it was... The Big Egg.]

I'm not real good with names...

[He rubs at his head with his free hand, making a face.]

What about, uh... Fry?

[TERRIBLE.]

[sleepybuster]

[oh my god i forgot about that video shrieks

Toji's not the only one making a face right now though. Riki looks so unamused.]

...Fry? That's terrible...

[crashtestdummy]

Hey, I'm tryin'! You got a better idea, I'm all ears!

[sleepybuster]

It sounds like we're planning on eating him! So anything but some kind of pun like that...

[hmmm...]

Do we want a serious or silly name? One that doesn't imply that we're eating it, of course...

[crashtestdummy]

Nah, if we're keepin' him outta the fridge the whole time, he'll probably be no good to eat by the time it's over anyway...

[Omurice sounds really good right now though, BUT-]

But let's give this project all the dignity and respect it deserves. So. The doofiest name you got.

[sleepybuster]

I don't think the teachers would want us to eat him either...

[Raise a child, then eat him. Wow.]

But uh... In that case... How about Eggworth? [what]

[crashtestdummy]

It's a little better than just abandoning'em all when it's over, right?

[Barely.]

Egg...Worth.

[What.]

Yeah, alright. Eggworth it is.

[Apparently Eggworth hates his new name because that is when THE CRYING BEGINS.]

[sleepybuster]

[Eating him though...?!]

Okay! Eggworth it--

[aaaAAAH WHY IS IT CRYING]

--E-eh?! Does it maybe... not like the name?!

[crashtestdummy]

It's an egg, there's no way it can tell the difference!

[Jeez, okay, think... He dealt with Sakura when she was a baby, he can do this.]

Maybe it's hungry?

[BUT EGGS DON'T GET HUNGRY EITHER.]

[sleepybuster]

H-hungry?!

[BUT...]

I don't think eggs eat... And if they did, how would we even feed it?!

[Oh my god the crying is getting louder make it stop make it stop]

[crashtestdummy]

In...ject it? No, you're right! This stupid project isn't like a real baby at all!

[HOLDING EGGWORTH OUT AT ARM'S LENGTH.]

What do they expect us to even do with it?

[sleepybuster]

Injecting it would just leave a hole in it...

[EGGS DON'T HEAL LIKE PEOPLE.

GaaaH WHAT DO THEY DO]

Well, uh... Sometimes babies like lullabies and stuff, don't they...? Maybe we can sing one? [riki why]

[crashtestdummy]

Eggs don't got ears, either! I mean, unless that weird box picks it up...

[Man, singing lullabies is so emasculating, but he'll do anything to shut this thing up.]

You know the Takeda Lullaby, right?

[sleepybuster]

[It's a better idea than injecting food into it, okay...!]

Y-yeah, of course! Um... Let's try singing that...?!